


Surprise Visitor

by kaeda



Series: Frat Boys Universe [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Crack, Gen, General, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-10
Updated: 2007-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 23:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeda/pseuds/kaeda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes annoying friends just have to come belittle your achievements. Spoilers past manga chapter 186.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprise Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> I've written five small fics set in this universe so far, and this is one of the least cracky ones. Written under the premise that Ukitake, Kyouraku, Urahara, Aizen, and Isshin all became captains around the same time, and that they had something resembling a friendship, even if on Aizen's part it was extremely fake and involved a lot of eyerolling. This is AU as of Turn Back the Pendulum, but I hope you can enjoy it anyways.

Aizen Sousuke had always known that Urahara Kisuke's favorite pastime was annoying the shit out of people, but he'd never expected to walk into his throne room in Hueco Mundo to find the former twelfth division captain calmly chatting with Ulquiorra.

"Urahara," he said coldly.

"SOUSUKE!" Urahara exclaimed gleefully with his ever-present smile. "I was in the area and figured I'd drop by, see the new place. How is Gin-san? I've heard that Hell can be…well, hell on the complexion, but you're looking well!"

Aizen was in no mood for this nonsense. "What are you up to, Urahara?" he demanded. He wasn't going to let him get under his skin, like he had so many years before.

"I haven't seen you in _centuries_," Urahara told him, swinging his hands around flamboyantly. "I like your new hairstyle. Good choice to ditch the glasses."

"And you've started wearing an ugly hat. Your point?" Urahara did, after all, have a point most of the time, even if it took him several hours to reach it, and Aizen knew for a fact that not even Urahara Kisuke would waltz into Hueco Mundo to 'just drop by'.

"We're both exiles now, you know," Urahara said conversationally. "You, me, and ISSHIN! Surely you remember Isshin!"

"If you don't have a point, get out of my world," Aizen snapped, his patience wearing thin. At least he no longer had to pretend to be benevolent in front of morons like Kisuke –being an asshole and utter bastard was one of his favorite parts of the new job description.

"Such harsh words for an old friend!" The ever-present smile didn't even waver. "I was bored. Maybe next time I'll bring Isshin, and we can all go out drinking together, just like old times—"

"No."

Suddenly, Urahara's grin changed. His eyes grew darker and the shadow of his hat somehow seemed to grow, a transformation from cheery shopkeeper to sinister former shinigami in less than a second, and Aizen was reminded why he hated this man so very very much. He was _infuriating_, he was _annoying_, and he had always, constantly, without fail been stronger, faster, better, smarter. He'd touched godhood and decided he didn't want it, then hidden it away and kept it from those who truly desired it.

"I want you to know," Urahara said slowly, his tone still cheerful in a way that would have sent shivers down a lesser man's spine, "that everything you are today, you became because of _me_."

Aizen scowled. "You never had the strength to actually use your little inventions," he sneered. "You touched this power and ran away from it. You're nothing but a fool."

"I made you," Urahara continued, although something that looked suspiciously like guilt flashed over his features briefly. "I made you, and I can unmake you."

"No one can stop me anymore," Aizen replied. "Not even you. I'm going to shatter through heaven and become more powerful than ever before." Urahara's expression grew even darker…then changed again, his eyes once more visible beneath the hat.

"You're still _such a dork_," Urahara grinned. "I should tell that to Isshin. 'Shatter through heaven.' It's like that shit poetry you used to write me, when you thought you were in love with me."

Aizen repressed the urge to say something childish, like 'I hope you and Kurosaki choke during your next bar crawl', and instead frowned and looked away. Grimmjaw was listening to the exchange with a curious look on his face, possibly gathering fodder for later rebellion, and that was intolerable.

"If you plan to come here and spit in my face, at least do it when my subordinates are elsewhere," he said coldly.

"Ulquiorra-chan was just telling me about how you've made the place livable since you arrived!" Urahara said with delight. "I had no idea you were so into interior design. My store could certainly use an overhaul—"

Aizen hated him. Hated him _so much_. Ulquiorra seemed to hate him too, from the murderous look in the Arrancar's eyes, and Grimmjaw was trying very hard not to snicker from his place behind him, mouthing 'Ulquiorra-chan' every couple seconds. Now Kisuke was disrupting his _Arrancar_. This behavior was simply unacceptable.

"Either you can leave or I can make you," he growled.

"Come drinking with us!" Urahara told him. "Isshin and I are getting together to relive old times next week, you really should come."

"You came all the way into Hueco Mundo to invite me to get _drunk_ with you?" Aizen snapped. He shouldn't have been surprised. The only really unusual thing was that Kyouraku Shunsui and Ukitake Jyuushirou were nowhere to be found.

"Just like old times! Except since we're in the human world, eleventh division can't show up and drink all the booze!" Urahara gave him a wink. "Surely even evil overlords need a break _sometimes_."

Aizen scowled. Again. But Urahara finally seemed to be on his way out, tapping the brim of his hat cheerfully as he moved towards the exit. Just as Aizen thought he was finally gone for good, he turned one last time and the sinister expression was back.

"And when you need stopping, when you finally get so far that someone has to tear you down? I'll be the one to do it," he said darkly.

"Is that a promise?" Aizen sneered.

"I won't let Kurosaki Ichigo stain his hands with your blood," Urahara growled. Isshin's son. The kid who had almost ruined all his hard work with sheer blustering strength. _Centuries_ of scheming and planning almost came to nothing because of the loud-mouthed spawn of one of his most detested acquaintances.

When Aizen discovered Ichigo's surname, he'd seen red.

"When the time comes, I will stop you," Urahara continued.

"When the time comes, I will be so far above you all, you won't even know where to start," Aizen sneered back.

"See you next Friday!" Urahara told him, and left with the final word, like always.


End file.
